Depressed - a state of general unhappiness or despondency.

I am not too certain how it started. Probably a combination of everything. But I was in a funk...a deep deep funk. Course it didn't help much that right at that stage, I saw something. Something which usually I could have simply brushed off. But no, it hurts. Fucking hurts. Well, what did I expect. It is like they said, the world moves on, people moves on. No one will wait for you. I would have thought that a decade and more means something but really come to think of it, what do I know really? Not a scratch apparently. I would have appreciate being told, being asked but hey, again, I am the only one who is still here at this spot since the start. Wasn't even a secret it being put out there for the world to see. Maybe hadn't even taken a second to consider what my feelings would be.

All I am asking is just time, time alone, time to ponder, time... And then, the main cause of my funk appeared and like nothing had happened, joke away. Ignoring, leads to a myriad of reasons on the cause and truth to be told, more heart ache. Don't you know that you are the cause? The thought probably never even appear in your mind. One would have thought that at this rate, one would have been numb by now but no. People who tells you they are too numb to feel are just crap out lying in your face. Feeling, an emotion that is always with you. Sometimes I think that if we can see our hearts, mine is probably covered with scar tissue. I used to think all those stories and dramas and what not were just bull. How can one's heart hurts? It's quite hard to wrap the thought around but the heart, the heart is a muscle and like all muscles are when pulled, hurts. 

Even trying to get drunk doesn't work. You drink and your mind gets to go into this alcoholic haze, lucky thing, but your heart, your heart still beats and it still fucking aches. What worse is the sudden moment of clarity you have when you realized you have absolutely nothing, nothing left.